October 26, 2014

FIAO 9.0 - The Great Debate

I am a Gemini - in every sense of the word. I know that means nothing to a lot of people, and some will think I'm a little crazy for believing that astrology is a meaningful barometer of personality, but I do. If for no other reason than I am seriously a true Gemini. By the way, again, how crazy is it that I'm a Gemini with twin babies? Anyways, duality is a part my life. I wrestle with decisions to a fault. I change my mind at the drop of a hat. And my mood can perform some incredible tricks as I can go from glowing to scowling over just about anything. Hell, I was the child care provider who would always pass on the babies and now I have two and think babies are awesome! Sometimes. See, I'm always changing my mind. Ever since I heard about horoscopes I became fascinated with being a Gemini and what that means. I have done enough research on other signs to see things in people if I know what to look for.  But for the most part I know about myself. Gemini can also be two-faced, stubborn, anxious, and talkative. But we won't go into that right now. The point is, I have a hard time making decisions and more often than I'd like I like to second guess myself or change my mind entirely. This is making my life as a mom of multiples much more difficult than it has to be. As I've said before: the choices we're making every day (feeding, diapering, play, travel, hygiene, etc.) are such polarizing issues and it can be daunting and exhausting deciding which is best for your family.

The Great Debate will explore the battles of the Mommy Wars from my point of view. The unique aspect of this is that I am fantastic at seeing both sides of most of the battles. I am the classic middle of the road. I am politically "moderate" although I lean left. I love to play devil's advocate. There are few things I choose to argue with any real vehemence. These are mostly human rights and social issues that my peers agree with me on so it's easy to commit. The Mommy Wars are a whole new thing to me, although I have had my share of laughs at them (mostly via STFU Parents or SSW on FB). These arguments are intense and I usually have one thing to say when reading a debate/battle - some of these bitches are mean!

There are women out there who judge others relentlessly. I'm sure you've seen it if you're here. There are some seriously crazy people on the internet. And they are MEAN! I read through the crap because as bad as it can be there is a ton of information to be found as well and there are well-meaning, cool-headed individuals who can offer real world advice and support. As a new mom, that is what I need to be reading. So here's my side of these issues and how these choices have worked out for us. More often than not I might comment the sanctimony. It's really hard not to.

My first topics will involve things we are currently experiencing as I can write a fresh perspective. Right now we're facing choices in terms of breastfeeding and sleeping mostly. I want to address how women treat each other over everything though - from alcohol use to zoo visits (not really, I just needed for that to be from a to z. Unless you were judged for visiting a zoo while pregnant, then let me know and I'll write about it!)

I hope that someday we can learn to settle the debates, accept each other for who we are and the beautiful generation of adults we are raising. Just think, the kids who co-slept will someday play at school or work with the kids who were sleep trained and they won't have a freaking clue. I seriously hope my daughter isn't judged by her first boyfriend over the fact that I exclusively pumped because she didn't latch well. And (here's a big one) if a girl likes your son enough she isn't going to give a damn what his penis looks like! And she sure as shit won't leave him over it because (hopefully) she loves your son enough not to care (if she doesn't, do NOT let your son marry her. She has some growing up to do).  I'm a true believer that unless someone is actually harming their kids everyone needs to just chill the eff out.

Every single day my heart breaks when I read subtle digs and outright insults over the choices moms make. I may not always agree but I will explore both sides. I will admit that sometimes this will be easier said than done. I'm wishy-washy but even I know that it's against the law to have a baby under one forward facing in the car and that you shouldn't leave an infant home alone while you go to the bar. But I am actively trying to skip the judgement and be understanding. And I will never, ever, tell someone, to their face(book) that they should have never had kids/they're not a real mom/they're stupid. You live your life and let me live mine because I bet you any amount of money our kids won't give a damn about most of it when they're our age. 

Think about it.


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