15 Weeks old and getting so big!

The girls are 15 weeks old/10 weeks adjusted today! It's been a big couple of weeks here. We survived our 2nd "leap" and are hitting milestones! I can't get over how fast it's going.

Tonight we had our first official sounds from both of them! It seems late for me but they haven't really tried to use their voices yet other than gurgles, grunts and more definite whimpers.  I present to you our first words: ah and uh. Clear as day, not a sigh, Viv said "AH!" I almost cried. Jules followed up later with beautiful "UH!" and it went on from there. What an amazing night! Just one of many memorable moments from the past few weeks.

In the past week or so they have been sleeping 6-10 hours a night, and last night they slept for almost 12. I don't want them going 13 hours without eating though (and me over 8 hours without pumping is no good) so they won't be doing that again. They woke up at 5 and we brought them to our room and just put their pacifiers in assuming they would wake up in an hour or so. They didn't start to stir again until almost 9! I was totally freaked out but they woke up hungry, ate well and napped well all day so I think they're fine but we will see if this becomes a pattern. I am betting on them hitting the four month sleep regression with a vengeance so we're working hard on our version of sleep coaching by having plenty of active time during the day playing, helping them learn to self soothe, putting them down drowsy but awake and setting clear routines. We don't have an established "bedtime" yet because I still follow their lead on when they want to eat. If they're hungry after "bedtime" we feed them no matter when it is.

3 Days Old - First time together!

They're eating 25 oz. a day, a mix of 1/2 bm and 1/2 Nutramigen, 5 oz. every 3 hours from about 9am to 9pm. I can't believe they are on their NICU schedule still The big difference is they're much more active in between bottles finally! However there's a drawback to this. I am still EPing but I'm starting to wean so that I can spend more time playing with them. I'm tired of having to pump while they're sleeping as I can't get anything else done but they're too alert and active during and after bottles that it's getting too hard to do both. I also don't want to be pumping at all with other people's kids here so I hope to be weaned by the end of December. By then I will have enough frozen to get us through the winter with them receiving 5-10 oz. each of BM.

15 weeks old -  Just waking up for the day!

It's a funny thing. I know in my mind to trust my babies and myself and I believe I would know if something were ever wrong. But I still second guess everything. I double check everything. I go over my baby connect app a hundred times a day making sure they're doing things "right." And every time I have to stop and remind myself that we're fine. They're growing. They're happy. They're fantastic. And we're doing just fine too.





We don't go back to the Dr until December so I have to figure out a way to get them weighed. I know they're growing as we're almost out of their first prefold cloth diapers and their clothes are getting tight. We looked at pictures from 15 weeks ago and cannot believe how much they've changed!

Viv is a little freaked out.

Jules is perplexed

We also had our first selfies this week! I can't believe I never thought to turn the camera on them before Not too surprising since I am not at all a selfie taker. I have lazy eye issues. They made the funniest faces looking at themselves although we still haven't mastered smiling at the camera yet!







We had our first dinner at the table with Mom and Dad although of course they just observed. We love having them out there while we cook and they seem to really enjoy it!








 I will leave you with this gem from Sunday when we celebrated cousin Jillian's 3rd birthday. They did great and it was a great time, as Vivienne is clearly showing us with her look!

Four months here we come!

Xo,
M

FIAO 9.4 - The Great Debate - Crib Bumpers!

We are stuck. We officially have moving babies and are now wrestling with the idea of crib bumpers. I swore them off years ago during a child care course when they talked about the dangers of suffocation caused by baby getting stuck next to the bumper. I didn't even consider using them for our girls at all until a few weeks ago. Then, our perfect little still babies started moving around in their sleep. I will never forget that first night when I woke up to a pained scream coming from the monitor. I rushed in to find Jules with her head butted up against the crib slats, neck twisted at an awkward angle and tears running down her cheeks. She was clearly in pain and it broke my heart. Viv started doing it a few days alter. We have tried positioning them in all different ways, wrapping their blanket higher and lower, using bumpers inside the blanket, etc. but nothing works. Now we're afraid to even use a blanket even though it's always "swaddled" around their waist. I've read about babies breaking their arms or legs after they get stuck in the slats and now my fear has doubled. I would love to keep them bumpered in but even with blankets under the sheet they just roll over them now. And so we are at a loss. Do we risk suffocation for sleep? Both ours and theirs?

The Mommy wars battle lines are heavily drawn on this topic, almost as much as car seat safety or breastfeeding. Some people think you're insane if you use them, due to the risk of suffocation, no matter what the situation. Other people, like us, understand the need for sleep and the idea that a child who would otherwise be sleeping through the night is being woken up by something that can be avoided is incredibly frustrating. They hate it, we hate it and they are some miserable nights when they're particularly restless and both seem to end up squished against the crib over and over. I know a lot of women would tell us to just get over it, that they will learn how to move themselves away from the crib in time and that it's not worth the risk. Some people would say that the risk of suffocation is less than the risk of a broken arm or leg or that it's the top of their heads getting caught so they wouldn't even suffocate anyways.

We really don't know what to do about this. I've looked into mesh bumpers but they don't really solve our problem, although they're a great choice for babies whose limbs get stuck. I'm going to talk to the pediatrician and some family and see what they think. I feel like if we can get an all around consensus either way we will feel better about it. What's funny is no baby I've ever known has had this head-banging problem. My sister says my niece never did it, my mom says we never did, etc. So now I feel like my kids are just weirdos and I don't know whether buying bumpers will protect them or harm them.

...Really?

I just have to say.

Who would have ever thought that this would be what goes through my mind on a Saturday night at 11:30?

And with that, I sign off. To go to bed. Ugh. I'm old.

Xo,
M

First Halloween!

While I was pregnant I spent all sorts of time googling ideas for the girls' first Halloween costumes. There are seriously so many cute twin costumes out there. But then we realized that although they would be 3 months old, we live in upstate NY where it is usually pretty chilly on Halloween. Also, we weren't sure if we would even be doing anything so I didn't think I should waste money on costumes or supplies to make some. Then about a week before Halloween my Dad invited us up to his apartment complex where my niece trick or treats. The office there throws a Halloween get together and the weather wasn't looking too cold. Of course. And now it was too late for me to get anything or make something. Then I remembered my Aunt had bought the girls these adorable duck jackets. I remember thinking they would be great costumes when we got them. I put them in white onesies and their orangey pink leggings and booties added some yellow hats and mittens and voila, instant little ducklings. We headed up to my dad's for pictures and trick or treating with my parents, my sister and her boyfriend and my niece Jillian who was the most adorable Grateful Dead Dancing Bear this year.

The girls did great, letting my parents feed them while I ate dinner and they sat in the stroller all bundled up while we walked and Jillian trick or treated. It was more symbolic than anything obviously but we got some adorable pictures!

Can't wait until next year when our little ones will be able to walk and talk and participate in the fun!

And no, we were not those parents who walk around getting candy for their infants. I eat enough with pumping all day, I don't need all that in my house!

So I hope you enjoy the pics of my girls and that you had a very Happy Halloween!

Xo,
M

Three Months!

We are three months old today! 

We are celebrating a lot this month with both girls' first smiles, hands finding their way to their mouths, increased lengths of sleep time at night and awake time during the day, their Baby Blessing this past Sunday.  Our hands are opening up and batting at things, our eyes are focusing on things and we are showing frustration when we are bored. We are smiling all the time, wrapping our arms around Mama's neck and rolling from our sides to our backs or bellies.  Although we are only technically (cognitively) 8 weeks old today, we are meeting some milestones right on cue. We are making more sounds, cooing and ahhing. We love to listen to music (especially Mom's favorite: country) and we love walking around looking at things in our house. We finally noticed we are not the only creatures living here as we have discovered our big brother Boots and big sister Willow. We love to watch Willow sprawl out next to our blanket while we play. We keep our pacifiers in our mouths now and are so good at self soothing already! Mom and Dad couldn't be happier.  Mom especially as today she hit her second goal of exclusively pumping for 3 whole months! (I didn't think I would last even 2 weeks in the beginning so I am incredibly thrilled to have made it this far!)

What a big month we've had and it's just getting better every day!

Xo,
M

FIAO 9.1 - The Great Debate - Co-Sleeping! (aka the first of many things I've said that I am now taking back)

I will admit there were a lot of things that, before becoming a parent, I was "NEVER going to do" once I became one. I didn't judge parents for a lot of things (notice I didn't say I didn't judge for anything) but there were certain things that I just knew I would never do once I had kids.

Or so I thought.

Since my tiny humans are still very small I haven't had experience with a lot of things I said I'd never do. There are a few that I'm sure will come back to bite me in the butt. Like my opinion that you shouldn't let a child eat whatever they want just because they're picky. I still think some people take this to such extremes - like allowing your child to survive on strawberry milk, chicken nuggets and pasta. Come on, how the hell are they even growing on that? But I can already feel that this judgement will come back to haunt me. My girls will probably only eat cereal and cheese and I will be eating my words.

I also never understood co-sleeping. Not only was I against the "family bed" but I thought people who let their kids come in in the middle of the night were asking for trouble as well. I couldn't understand why you would want your kids in your bed. Beds are small enough as it is with two people. Kids are noisy sleepers. They kick and move and disrupt your sleep. Not to mention the fear that something could happen. I know this because the little girl I nannied for used to come in and sleep with me when her mom was out of town. I eventually had to stop her as I was not getting any more sleep after she came in. She was such a deep sleeper I worried I would roll over on to her or not even know she was there and cover her with the covers or something. Plus she rolled a lot and despite her petite size she could definitely make that bed shake!  She slept with her mom when she was home still so she was ok with not coming in to mine (plus as much as I loved them I think it's different when they're not your own kids or relatives).

So having this experience under my belt, as well as my own experience of only being allowed in my parents' bed when I was sick or had a nightmare (and even then only until they put a mattress under their bed that we could pull out and sleep on), I knew I would never co-sleep. I wasn't interested in having my kids in my bed until they're 6 or 7, I like my space, I don't want to worry. Especially when they were babies, how dangerous!

Welllllp. I am eating those words. My babies have been in my bed almost every night since they came home. They don't start out there. They slept next to me in bassinets and rock and plays until 5 weeks, then they moved to their cribs. We still put them down in their cribs around 11 where they stay until about 5 or 6. It started out of sheer desperation for sleep. I would bring them into bed with us if they wake up too early or so unhappy they won't go back down easily in the cribs. I had no idea how amazing it would feel to have them right there, so close to me. I love to snuggle them and just feel that peace without the distractions of the day around us. I love feeling my baby's breath on my face and her fingers wrapped around mine while Dad snuggles the other one.

I still worry about all my concerns about co-sleeping. I worry something terrible will happen so my sleep isn't that great with them there. I worry that they will be crawling into our bed for years. I hate that my family is constantly reminding me of these things and shaming me for my choice. My mom constantly reminds me of a woman she knows who smothered her baby when she rolled over on him in her sleep. I have read the horror stories of blankets being pulled up over baby's head or Dad not realizing baby was there and rolling on her. These fears were one huge reason I vowed I would never do it. But I have to say that I love it and I am confident in our choice. We do it safely, moving our pillows almost completely off the bed and laying on our sides with our arms above their heads so that we can't really roll. The ugly truth is that with twins it is so hard to feel sure that they're both getting enough love and attention. But at least for now, for a couple hours every day, they have our complete undivided attention and snuggles. I truly never thought I would co-sleep but I am so glad we have decided to. And to be honest, my worry about them coming in at all hours of the night for years doesn't really matter anymore either. At least not for now. I will worry about that if it becomes a problem but I don't foresee that happening. For now I'm just enjoying the time with my baby girls who won't be babies for very long.

Do you co-sleep? Why or why not?

Xo,
M